hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
