NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
there is another microwave in the elevator.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
