Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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