It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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