I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
