Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize