my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
