roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
