Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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