New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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