Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
