Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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