How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
