I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My penis needs a shock collar
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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