i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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