I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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