I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
