....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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