im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
50% drunk capacity currently
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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