Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I understand Curling. That high.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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