i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
