the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
