Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When are your genitals available?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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