I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
