About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
