I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
