at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
