I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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