I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
