I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I looked at my own cervix.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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