Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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