you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
