Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
