we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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