She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
