i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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