What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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