I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
