dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
