That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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