Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
