moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
