Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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