I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
