Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
