Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
