his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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