OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
