You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
