think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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