I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
