I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
