Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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