Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
