Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
