Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
