did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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