There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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