I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
