Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
