hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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