is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize