He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
