remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
