I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
