Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
