i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your penis caused this!
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